When Denial Isn't Enough
by eyeslikeashowroom
Summary: It's inevitable, them together. Chuck/Blair.
1. Chapter 1

Blair burst through the door to Chuck Bass's suite, looking uncharacteristically frenzied and panicked. She stopped when she saw Chuck sitting by the bar and staring at her, running her fingers through her hair at an attempt to regain some dignity.

"Oh, there you are," she announced, embarrassed. She had been flipping out because she hadn't heard from the bastard in three weeks, which was uncommon and made her feel like she was loosing her grip on things.

"Here I am," confirmed Chuck, nodding. "And here you are. Pleasant surprise, I might add." He raised his glass at her, and Blair scoffed. It wasn't as if his charm was ever going to work on _her_.

"Chuuuck," Blair heard a whiny voice call out, and she turned to see a trampy looking, anorexic-thin blonde stumbling out of Chuck's bedroom. "What's taking you so long?"

"You can go now," Chuck said dismissively to the girl, his dark eyes never leaving Blair's face.

Blair watched as the slut pouted, pitifully attempting to rearrange her clothes as she stumbled towards the door. "Who the fuck was that?" she asked, a touch of anger coloring her tone as Chuck raised an eyebrow at her. He thought that the phrase "we should take a break" meant that he could just go back to his man-whorish ways and never have to pay for it?

_Obviously,_ he didn't know Blair Waldorf very well.

"I don't know," replied Chuck nonchalantly, refilling his glass. "Ashley? Agnes? _Amanda_. It was Amanda."

"I'm impressed you even remember her name," Blair snapped bitterly.

Chuck shrugged. "I hope that was her name. It's what I kept moaning when we-"

Blair held up a hand, wincing. "I don't want to hear it. You're a disgusting pig."

"Mmm," sighed Chuck, smiling smugly. He stood up and began to saunter towards her slowly. "Insult me more."

Blair stepped away from him when he reached for her. "I came to see you, considering we haven't talked in a long time. I wanted… I wanted to make sure everything was all right."

"Waldorf's got a caring gene, who knew," drawled Chuck, tipping his head back and downing his drink in one gulp. He smirked at Blair, who straightened up and glared. "Sorry to _worry_ you."

"You didn't worry me," protested Blair, not liking his condescending tone. "I just wanted to make sure you weren't being an asshole and getting yourself into trouble. It makes us all look bad, you know."

"I'll keep that in mind," Chuck replied, nodding. "In the meantime, why don't you talk to that best friend of yours. She's been getting plenty of press lately, and not of the good variety, as I recall."

"The sordid details of Serena's life are no business of mine," Blair snapped, her chin rising. She didn't like people to acknowledge her as a friend of Serena's when the blonde acted the way she was acting.

"And mine are, how?" Chuck asked, his smirk growing. He turned and walked back towards the bar to fill up again. "Look, Blair, we both know the reason you came. You missed me, and you wanted to see my face again and hear my voice." He turned and grinned at Blair, his face annoyingly smug. "I have that affect on people."

"You're wrong, _Bass_," Blair said, rolling her eyes. "I came just for the reason I told you I did. And now that I've accomplished what I wanted, I'll be going. Bye."

"Don't go," murmured Chuck, and Blair turned to stare at him. He walked closer to her, and Blair didn't move away when he reached out to touch her arm. "I missed you too."

"I didn't _miss_ you," lied Blair, because she had already let herself be vulnerable and stripped down in front of Chuck, and she would not let it be happening again.

"Maybe if we go in there," Chuck replied, jerking his head towards the bedroom, "you would realize how much you really _did_ miss me."

"Ew." Like she didn't really want that.

She was a good liar.

"I'm telling you I missed you," said Chuck slowly, staring at her. "Why won't you just say you missed me too? We both know you did. It's okay to say it."

No, it was _not_ okay, it never had been and it never would be.

"Why was "Amanda" here?" Blair asked quietly.

Chuck looked away from her chocolate brown eyes. "I was just having a little fun, that's all."

"Did you forget about me?" asked Blair angrily, and she didn't like Chuck knowing that she was upset over this, but she couldn't help it.

"No," Chuck answered. "Of course not."

"Then why the _hell_-"

"You said you wanted to take a _break_," Chuck interrupted, taking her by the arm.

"That doesn't mean you can just grab any girl that looks like an easy lay and act like we're not together anymore!"

"We weren't," said Chuck, his voice hard. "Taking a "break", means that you momentarily stop dating. And in that period where we're not dating, anybody I'm with is not considered cheating. It's something you have no right to be mad about. And for the record, she was no easy lay. I had to work my ass off to get her as tipsy and willing as I did."

"That's because nobody would sleep with you sober," snapped Blair.

"I guess those fourteen times with you were just exceptions to that rule, then," Chuck drawled, taking a swig of his drink.

Blair stared at him. He _counted_?

"Look, if we're together, then I won't do that, okay?" said Chuck, pulling her closer. "It was just Amanda, anyway. She was the only one I let myself do that with."

"Do you promise?" asked Blair, and when she stared into Chuck's eyes, the assurance of getting her heart broken was blatantly staring her in the face.

"Promise." And when Chuck kissed her, she closed her eyes and tried to pretend like kissing back wouldn't hurt her.

"Hey, I'm sorry I'm late, but I-"

Blair turned, her brown hair flying. Her eyes settled on another blond tramp, a different one this time, in the shortest mini skirt in the world that could still be considered a skirt and not underwear.

"I can't _fucking_ believe you," she spat, turning on her heel.

"Blair," Chuck called, running his fingers through his hair.

"I'm sorry, I can come back another time," said the blonde, staring at Blair while she stalked by. "I just…I kind of need the money as soon as possible."

"Go right ahead," Blair called, her heels clicking menacingly against the floor. "But I'd watch it. I've heard he's HIV positive." She turned when she reached the door, staring at Chuck with dark, cold eyes. "And I'd watch out for the crabs he most likely got from bitch 1 this morning."

She turned. It had been an eventful 15 minutes.


	2. Chapter 2

Blair really missed Chuck. She really, _really_ missed him, and she knew that she shouldn't. She didn't want to, because Chuck wasn't healthy for her. They together weren't safe, and Blair Waldorf was not fond of situations in which she didn't feel safe, in which she didn't feel in control. She tried to keep herself away from Chuck, and distract herself with other things, or more precisely, other people.

She didn't like stooping to Chuck's level. She didn't want to be a slut and sleep around just to hide the true feelings in her heart, because she knew that in the end it would hurt her even more if she acted in that manner. She kept it exclusive, maybe one or two guys a week, (never _two_ in the same day), and she never took it beyond casual touching. _Never_.

There was kissing, sure. A lot. And Blair poured all her anger and hurt and confusion into those kisses, and came off maybe a bit more aggressive and willing than she intended.

But when her lucky conquest of the night tried to get _under_ the shirt or _in_ the dress, that's when Blair stopped it. Her back went rigid and she began to get nervous. She always stood up quickly and said a stiff goodbye to whoever it was, and she knew that she appeared strange because she became so standoffish in one quick second.

But she only wanted one person to touch her like that, and it was certainly not some sleezy guy she had picked up at a bar.

She wanted to do as Chuck had done. She wanted him to know she was in bed with someone else, for him to feel the same pain she had secretly felt when she had seen Amanda walking out of that room.

She wanted to break his heart.

She wanted to be selfish and uncaring and unemotional, but as much as Blair tried to hide it, she was none of those things when it came to Chuck, _ever_.

And she was afraid that if she slept with someone else, she would break her own heart more so than Chuck's

Blair sighed and plopped down on her bed, resting her face in her hands. She had been on her way out for the night, but was seriously reconsidering because she didn't know how many meaningless guys it would take before she snapped and gave in to Chuck.

He had been calling her, and if anything, Blair had to give the guy props for effort. It may have been a tad annoying, but it reassured her, because she knew Chuck wanted her. For how long or how much she didn't know, but being wanted and even maybe loved by somebody was something very unusual for Blair Waldorf, so she had assumed the habit of taking what she got.

Not happily, however.

She considered standing up, and then she thought better of it. She wanted to go out and get drunk and forget about this, because every time she was clearly aware of herself and not drunk, thoughts about Chuck consumed her, grabbing her by the throat and almost choking her to death.

For Blair, it was a painful thing to be in love.

She heard a knock on her bedroom door and she rolled her eyes, because she did not want Dorota or her mother bothering her with something she completely didn't care about.

She was surprised when Chuck strolled in, and maybe a little relieved, but mostly bitter.

"Hey," he said, and his voice was decidedly softer than normal, which set Blair on edge because she wasn't fond of anyone being gentle to her.

"What do you want, Bass?" she asked, her tone bored. She may let some people know when she was unhappy, what she wanted them to change so that they pleased her. But when it came to Chuck, she hid it all away, and put on the mask that said she was perfectly content in anything and everything that was happening in her life.

She didn't like to lose control, and therefore she could not let Chuck of all people see the weakness in her displeasure.

"I came to talk to you," he said, sitting down carefully next to her on the bed. Blair resisted the urge to scoot away; she didn't want Chuck Bass knowing he had the power to make her shrink away from him.

"There's nothing to talk about," Blair replied briskly. "And I was actually just on my way out. So, if you'd excuse me." He put his hand on her arm when she began to stand up, and tugged her back down. She flushed with anger.

"On your way out to where?" Chuck asked, his eyes amused, as if she had no life outside of him.

"Just _out_," snapped Blair, rolling her eyes. She stood up again, this time yanking her arm away from his grasp. He raised his eyebrows when she did that. Like he thought just because he tried to stop her, she wouldn't want to go.

"Blair, I love you," said Chuck, shaking his head. "I'm sorry for the Amanda thing, and for that other girl. I don't even know her name, I… I told her to leave as soon as you were gone. I couldn't go through and do that when I knew I'd only be visualizing your face."

"That's gross," Blair announced.

"Blair," said Chuck, and his voice had a hint of a warning in it.

"Just leave, Chuck," she commanded, her voice loud. "I can't do this anymore. I told you I loved you, and I thought we would work. But you ruined it, and Blair Waldorf doesn't give second chances. I'm awfully sorry you're just now choosing to learn that fact."

"Please," said Chuck, scoffing and standing up to face her. He reached out and Blair drew her arm away sharply before he could touch it. "You've given Serena tons of second chances. She sleeps with your boyfriend, and before you know it, you two are like sisters again. I try and have fun with a few people, to get my mind off the fact of how much I'm in _love_ with you, and now you don't want anything to do with me?"

Blair stared at him. "Serena's different."

"That's not true, and you know that's not fair," replied Chuck, stepping closer. "I love you, and I'm willing to just start over if you are."

"Well, I'm not," Blair said clearly.

Chuck reached out and touched her waist, and she resisted the urge to flinch away. His touch revolted and excited her at the same time. "Please. One more chance." Chuck stared into her eyes, and as much as Blair hated to think it, she began to melt. She had never been one of those girls that collapsed into giggles and hysteria whenever their crush looked at them like this, but she was beginning to think that, if anybody, Chuck would be the one to bring her the closest to it.

"I…" she said, and she knew she had made a mistake, because he smiled when she faltered.

"I promise, I won't do it again," he said, his voice low, and Blair wanted to believe it. She wanted to, and she even began to as he led her back down on the bed, and as the dress she had so carefully chosen came off.

"I love you," she whispered as she kissed him, running her fingers through his hair. "And I promise I won't hurt you."

"Me too," he replied, and Blair thought that just maybe this time it would work out perfectly, or at least as perfect as them together could be.

Her phone rang, and it was laying on the nightstand next to the bed, on Chuck's side. They both chose to ignore it until it kept ringing, and finally Chuck reached over and answered it.

"Hello? No, this is Chuck, her boyfriend." he said, and Blair watched as his face contorted in confusion, and then suddenly was hit with awareness. Her stomach clenched, because who knew who the person on the other end was, and what they were saying? "Uh, no. I'll give her the message." He hung up and set the phone back down, swinging his legs off the bed so he could stand up. He fixed himself so that he looked more presentable, and when he looked at Blair, his eyes were so cold that Blair almost literally froze to death. "That was some guy, named Eric. Said he had a great time last night."

_Goddamnit_.

"He said that he would've liked to go a little further, but of course that won't be happening now that he realized you have a boyfriend." Chuck looked away. "Or _had_, rather."

Blair stood up, not caring that her dress was half on and half off. "Chuck, I-"

"You don't have to say anything," Chuck protested, and the smirk on his arrogant face made Blair want to barf. "I get it; you wanted to get even. Congratulations, you did." He nodded at her, as if he was giving her some prize and admitting that she had won. But Blair knew there was condescendence and cruelty in the way he did it, and it angered her.

"You can't blame me for wanting to go have fun."

No, I can't," replied Chuck, agreeing with her. "You're right." he lowered his voice, and Blair's pulse raced. This wasn't going well.

"Chuck," said Blair again, a feeble attempt at trying to regain what had been hers only minutes ago.

He held up a hand. "But you can't blame me for walking out right now and never coming back."

Blair watched as he opened the door, she wanted as he strolled out, and the only thing that went through hr mind was first she was going to go puke her guts out, and then she would maybe let herself cry a little.

Nothing _ever_ stayed good for her.


End file.
